Love is awful 😫

“Love is awful. It’s awful. It’s painful. It’s frightening. It makes you doubt yourself, judge yourself, distance yourself from the other people in your life. It makes you selfish. It makes you creepy, makes you obsessed with your hair, makes you cruel, makes you say and do things you never thought you would do. It’s all any of us want, and it’s hell when we get there. So no wonder it’s something we don’t want to do on our own. I was taught if we’re born with love then life is about choosing the right place to put it. People talk about that a lot, feeling right, when it feels right it’s easy. But I’m not sure that’s true. It takes strength to know what’s right. And love isn’t something that weak people do. Being a romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope. I think what they mean is, when you find somebody that you love, it feels like hope.”

On strength

I love Fleabag so much! And I love love — hot priest.

Back when I first watched the show, I wasn’t religious or spiritual 😂, so he was just hot and kind and understanding and funny and everything I love and everything I wanted to be! Now, I think he is strong too.

Being religious helps me with processing strength :). Like you can kinda define strength, and how to be better at it. It kinda gives me hope.

Dude priest is hella strong, I am telling you.

Also on religion, I think of the monk in the movie My Mister. I love that film too, but for different reasons. It really touched my heart, and my heart was heavy then. 3rd year of university, big-time heavy… Some kind of comfort of simplicity. The thing with me is, simplicity doesn’t make sense with my complex (yes I know how that sounds 😫) heart.

But damn, if you just focus and only think of a few things at a time, simplicity is so comforting.

Believe it or not, it’s confusing sometimes, shallow and depth. Maybe because that shallowness can be good, and so can depth. The other way as well, they both can be heavy. So, be really careful about tracing back where the goodness is coming from, and it’s very important not to force it to your convenience. The complex thing is, usually life situations are a combination of both 🙃

Maybe I was not clear about that, so I did not fully enjoy My Mister. But maybe I was loll, and the movie sometimes forced shallowness to be “deep”.

1. strength
2. shallowness
3. depth

But you know what, I love My Mister. And despite my inability to reason and rationalize my criticism of that film, I love it.

But what about hope?

My Mister did not give me hope. That whole movie is based on the premise of humanity, but at times they portray humanity with such dramatized force. And though dramatized acts kinda ruin the genuineness of humanity. The genuineness is still there, and it is still so wholesome, but we have to acknowledge the impact of dramatization.

True genuineness shines, it does. But can you ever not have drama in art, or in life lol? I don’t think so. So what is so right with Fleabag’s drama? I am very limited with words… I think that the drama there is genuine 🥹

1. hope
2. genuineness
3. dramatization

See, it’s always complex. Complexity is so comforting. It makes sense that it doesn’t make sense :)).

Lastly, on honesty

Am I strong? Do I have hope? I’d say — yes and yes. At the moment, I think so. And for the future, that is my aim. So let’s just be proud and say yes and yes.

Am I honest? Now that I am strong and I am hopeful, I want to be honest.

Fleabag - Wedding speech by The Priest

Track Record (Official Music Video)